New story

New TftW story:   Paul Gets Ashified


I've got a new TftW story for you all.


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Paul Reily was one of the most well known toy collectors in the states,   he had a lot of movie action figures including the Movie Maniacs series by McFarlane toys.    He was especially fond of his Evil Dead collection,   as he was as a huge fan of the Evil Dead films and of Bruce Campbell in general.

He had almost every piece of Evil Dead memorabilia there was including posters,  action figures and even though some of the comics which were signed by Bruce himself.    One evening,  he was on his computer making lists of all his collectibles when a package arrived.

"I wonder what this could be."    Paul thought.

He then walked on over to the strange package,   it had an Evil Dead theme design and the tag on it read..."To My Biggest Fan.   Love Bruce Campbell."    He opened it and saw that inside was a 12' action figure of Bruce Campbell made to look exactly like how Bruce looked in his film My Name Is Bruce,  right down to the Hawaiian shirt and the famous lantern jaw of justice.

"Cool.  A Bruce Campbell Action Figure!  Now my Evil Dead collection is complete."   Paul exclaimed.

He picked up the Bruce figure and examined it,   it looked rather handsome and heroic not to mention like it was ready to take on Guan Di or any other supernatural threat that came it's way.     He admired it for a couple of hours.

"You know,   you really do look pretty badass there."    Paul said.

The action figure just stood there,  looking rather handsome and badass at the same time,   Paul admired the figure for the rest of the night -  but soon became rather disappointed and at the same time pissed off.


"Wait a minute.   You're not an action figure,  you're just a stupid doll."   Paul shouted. 

Paul then locked the Bruce Campbell action figure in a collector's case along with a few other toys that he had received but later lost interest in either because they weren't what he was expecting or that they were poorly made.     He then went off to bed.

Later that night when Paul was sleeping,  the Bruce Campbell action figure came alive and took a look around.

"My god.   What has happened to you lot?"   the Bruce Campbell action figure asked.

"Paul lost interest in us and left some of us to slowly fall apart."    GI Joe responded.

"Yeah.   What are you in here for?"    the Luke Skywalker figure added.

"Paul locked me in here because apparently he lost interest in me and now just thinks of me as a stupid doll.   Which sucks.   I'm not a doll -  I am an action figure."     the Bruce Campbell action figure explained.

"That's too bad.   But we believe you,   you're a fellow action figure after all."    the Lion-O action figure responded.  "By the way I am Lion-O,   I see you have already met Luke Skywalker and Gi Joe."

"Yeah,  they seem rather nice."   The Bruce Campbell action figure said,  as he shook the Lion-O figure's hand.  

"So what kind of action figure are you and what movie or tv show are you from?"    GI Joe asked.

"Well I am a Bruce Campbell action figure -  and I am from the movie My Name Is Bruce."    The Bruce Campbell action figure replied.

"You're a Bruce Campbell action figure?  That is so awesome! You know,  we've heard quite a bit about you -  we hear you are some kind of legendary badass."   The Freddy Krueger action figure said.

The Jason Voorhees action figure nodded and held up a small copy of Bruce Campbell's book If Chins Could Kill.

"We're big fans of your work."    GI Joe told him.  "And we're been waiting for an action figure like you to come along and help us break out of this prison."

"You have?  Well that's swell.   I'll be more than happy to help."   The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"Great!  I have a feeling that you're going to fit in just fine.    Hey Chuck,   Ash!  Come over here!"  GI Joe exclaimed.

A Chuck Norris action figure and an Ash Williams action figure both stopped by along with a Snake Plitzken figure.

"Hi there,  you must be the new guy.    I'm Chuck."   The Chuck Norris action figure said,  shaking the Bruce Campbell figure's hand.

"Nice to meet you Chuck,   i'm Bruce -  i'm a Bruce Campbell action figure."     The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"Wait.   YOU'RE a Bruce Campbell action figure?  That's really awesome,  man!   I'm a Chuck Norris action figure.   It's so good to have another Memetic Badass in the group."   The Chuck Norris action figure exclaimed.   "Have you met Snake and Ash yet?"

"I don't think I have."     The Bruce Campbell action figure replied.   

"Oh i'm sure they would love to meet you.   Hey Snake,  Ash!"   The Chuck Norris action figure called to his two friends.  

"Yeah.  What is it Chuck?"   The Snake and Ash action figures responded in unison.

"I want you both to meet our new friend Bruce."   The Chuck Norris action figure told them.

"Hi there,   i'm Snake Plissken.   I'm from the movie Escape From New York and Escape From LA."   The Snake Plissken action figure responded,  shaking the Bruce Campbell action figure's hand.

"Hi there Snake.  I'm Bruce - the Bruce Campbell action figure."   The Bruce Campbell action figure said.

"Woah.   You're a Bruce Campbell action figure?  That is really fucking cool."     The Snake Plitzkin action figure responded.  

"Hey there.   Who is THIS handsome devil?"    The Ash Williams action figure quipped.

"Hi.   I'm Bruce,  i'm a Bruce Campbell figure."     The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"You're a fellow Bruce Campbell action figure too?  That is fucking awesome.  I'm a Bruce Campbell action figure too!  I'm one of his character Ash Williams from the Evil Dead films.    Which one are you?"   The Ash Williams action figure quipped.

"Well i'm one of him in My Name Is Bruce."  The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"Sweeet!"    The Ash Williams action figure exclaimed in his usual badass manner.

"Yeah i'm the one that's going to help get you guys out of this collectors case that Paul has put you guys in."    The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"You are?   That's excellent."    The Snake Plissken action figure exclaimed.

"Yeah that's freaking sweet!"   The one Peter Griffin figure added.

"I know just how to get us out.   Hey Chuck.   Do you think you could use your roundhouse kick action to break us out of here?"   The Bruce Campbell action figure asked.

"Sure.   That will be a piece of cake for me."   The Chuck Norris action figure responded.  "Stand back guys,  i'm going to do it."

The Chuck Norris action figure then entered his trademark fighting stance and performed his famous roundhouse kick action,   breaking all the other action figures free.    The Bruce Campbell action figure then ripped right through his half of the collectors case using only his chin and opened the other half and set all the other action figures free.

"Thank you so much for freeing us from that prison."    the Lion-O action figure exclaimed.   "Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"Why yes there is.   I want you guys to help me get payback on that Paul jerk for calling me a doll and for locking me in that prison."    The Bruce Campbell action figure responded.

"Sure,  we'll be than happy to help."   GI Joe replied back.

"I can provide some assistance if needed."    Brain Gremlin added.  "After all I am a genius."

"Sounds great.   Have you got a plan?"  The Bruce Campbell action figure inquired.

"Why yes indeed I do.   Several in fact,  but here's the grand master plan."  Brain Gremlin responded.

Brain Gremlin then opened up his briefcase revealing his various invention blueprints,  and several complicated plans all drawn out.    He also held out a small device called The Transmogrification Scanner.

The group then all put their plan into action later that night,   Paul was still asleep in his bed when the Bruce Campbell action figure along with the Ash Williams action figure leaped onto top of the bed.

"Alright you primitive screwhead.   Wake up!"   The Ash Williams action figure shouted.

"Huh?  What's going on here?"   Paul groggily groaned as he woke up.  "And how come you can talk?"

"It's because we come alive at night when you're all asleep in your bed."   The Ash Williams action figure quipped.  "But seriously... it's all apart of our little plan."


"What plan?  What are you talking about?"    Paul asked.

"We're talking about out brilliant plan to get back at you!"   The Snake Plissken action figure responded.

"Get back at me for doing what?"  Paul inquired.

"For treating most of us so badly and for locking us in that horrible prison you call a collector's case."  The Lion-O action figure snarled.

"That's right."   The Bruce Campbell action figure added.

"You?  But you're just a stupid doll -  you can't talk or move or do anything."     Paul spluttered.

"Well you're wrong.   I can move and talk.   And i'm NOT a fucking doll  -   I am an action figure.   And not just any action figure..... i'm a Bruce Campbell action figure and one that's going to kick your sorry ass!"   The Bruce Campbell action figured snapped,  his eyes glowing an eerie blood red colour.

"What are you going to do?"   Paul asked,   quivering a little.

"Oh you'll see soon enough."    The Bruce Campbell action figure exclaimed.  "Get em boys!"

The Bruce Campbell action figure commanded the other action figures to attack Paul,  all at once they started attacking Paul.    But it was the Chuck Norris figure whose attack was the most effective as he used his roundhouse kick action to send Paul flying onto a corner of the room,   Paul looked down on the floor and saw that he was now standing on a big red target symbol.

Paul tried to move but he couldn't because he was stuck like a fly on flypaper,   the more he struggled the more impossible it was for him to get off.

"And now to give the Transmogrification Scanner it's very first test run."    Brain Gremlin stated.

Brain Gremlin pointed the Transmogrification Scanner device at Paul and activated it,  a blast of dark blue energy came out of it and shot Paul in the arm.

Paul then found himself feeling a little bit strange,   he then saw that his skin was hardening into some kind of plastic coating,  he also saw that it was turning the same colour as the skin on the Ash Williams action figure,  he also saw that his left hand was falling off and was slowly replaced with a chainsaw,  as his clothing slowly changed to resemble the outfit the Ash Williams action figure was wearing.

"What's happening?"   Paul asked,  freaking out a little.

"The Transmogrification Scanner is transforming you into an action figure,   and not just any action figure -  an Ash Williams action figure.   So in other words,  you're turning into an action figure of Ash."    the Lion-O action figure responded.

"What?  But this can't be!  I can't be turning into Ash!"    Paul exclaimed.

"No use going into denial.   You are becoming an Ash Williams action figure,  just like me."   The Ash Williams action figure quipped.

"Yep.   You're becoming an action figure -  you're becoming one of us."    The Snake Plissken action figured added.

"One of us! One of us!"   The Ash Williams action figure chanted.

Paul started to freak out more as his transformation continued,  he was starting to look a lot more like Ash as his hair turned a messy brownish colour while his eyes turned an icy blue,   scars appeared on his forehead and his upper and lower lip as well as an L shaped one forming on his chin which was now starting to jut out and resemble the famous lantern jaw of justice the Ash and Bruce Campbell action figures both had.   His teeth now becoming a shiny white as his nose became a more heroic nose resembling Ash's.

"Okay this is freaking me out.   As much as I love the Evil Dead films and Bruce Campbell in general...I don't want to be Ash - yet alone not an action figure of him."  Paul screamed,  his voice sounding a more like Ash's voice and less like his own.

He then found himself shrinking until he was about 10 inches tall as his transformation completed itself as his features finally finished changing and his face was now that of Ash Williams as the skin on it hardened and became more plastic-like,   he was now an Ash Williams action figure -  a 10' inches tall Ash Williams action figure,   he could still talk though but he now had the same voice as the other Ash Williams action figure.    His shock and horror immediately washed away as Ash's personality and mannerisms took over.

"Lookin good my man!"  The Ash Willaims action figure quipped.

"Tell me... my friend,  how do you feel?"   Brain Gremlin asked.

"I feel pretty good actually.   In fact I feel pretty....groovy."   Paul responded in his new voice.

"And you look awesome as well."    The Bruce Campbell action figure added.  "So have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes.   I have."    Paul responded in his new voice.

"Good.   Welcome to the group."     The Snake Plitzken action figure exclaimed.   

"I've never been apart of a group before,   but this is pretty exciting.   And you guys are pretty awesome.   I'm sorry i treated you so badly and i'm sorry for calling you a doll,  Bruce."   Paul said, apologetically.

"That's alright,  we forgive you."   The Lion-O action figure responded.

"And so do I."  The Bruce Campbell action figure added.

"From now on,  you're one of us."   GI Joe said,  saluting Paul.

"Yeah.  Is there anything we can do for you,  friend?"   the Luke Skywalker figure asked.

"Yes.   From now on.... don't call me Paul.    The name's Ash."   Paul responded in his new voice.

"Alright then,   Ash.   We'll call you Ash number 2."    the Lion-O action figure said.

"Groovy."   Ash action figure number 2 quipped.

The action figure group then sat on their bed with their newest friend along with the Bruce Campbell action figure and listened to Brain Gremlin tell them fascinating stories including his views on politics.  

As for Paul -  oops,  I mean Ash action figure number 2,   he grew to really enjoy his new life and became really good friends with all of the action figure crew members especially Ash action figure number 1 and the Bruce Campbell action figure.  

Remember,   never piss off a Bruce Campbell action figure.    Or they'll be hell to pay.