Story reviews: Episode 1

Story review




Today i'm going to review one of the alledged works of the troll known as Eyesglowyellow



"Okay, let's get this started. One day Nathan was busy trolling the lulzy site of Metokur.org, spewing out comments like ravishing flowing lava and not even paying attention to his surroundings. At one point, he would have to take a piss, so he would have to go use the bathroom. When he finally decided he needed to catch his breath (because after all, he is a windbag of useless sayings), he went to use the bathroom and noticed the window had been opened. "I wonder why the window is open, since I never leave that damn thing open. There's too many mean poopieheads out there and I don't want trolls in my basement dwelling!" He snorted. Nathan went to whip out his schmooze, and when he did, a large shadow appeared."



Okay, that was a pretty lame opening. And whose stupid idea was it to make me the antagonist? I certainly do NOT approve of being cast as the bad guy in this.







"He wet himself in fear of the shadow, and the shadow laughed at his misfortune. "A little bit pissed are we?" The shadow sarcastically said. "Who...who are YOU?! And what are you doing here?" Nathan shrieked. "



Okay, this is where it gets even worse, this so called shadow creature comes out of nowhere and for no reason decides to torment me in this. And for some reason we never see what this so called creature looks-like until the end of the story.



"I am here because you made false claims of being a weregrinch and that you are a complete dickhead!" The shadow said. Then, the shadow lifted one arm up in the air. Nathan was pissing all over himself at the thought of "oh noes, he is gonna kill me prolly over 9000 times" and that he'd never be able to see any more of the mean truthful butthurting shit that these so-called "trolls" on Metokur.org were posting. Then the shadow put down his arm after a few minutes, and Nathan breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly, he felt a headache come on, and his head felt weird. "What's going on with me?!" Nathan BAAAAWWWWW'd. "Isn't it OBVIOUS?" The shadow exclaimed, watching as he laughed at Nathan's suddenly changing appearance."



This is where things very disturbing, and I mean that because the alledged shadow creature puts some bizzare spell on me that makes me undergo some extremely disturbing transformation.





"Nathan felt his head was weird, and when the pain of transformation stopped, he put his hand on his head, which no longer was just any head. He looked in the mirror and saw he had changed....into a DICKHEAD. "Why did you do this to me? Please change me back, I am a weregrinch!" Nathan tried to change into a weregrinch, but could not, and probably because he never was. Instead, the grunting force of his will made his head spew out a ton of semen that covered him and his bathroom walls and ceiling."



Okay this is the most disturbing scene in the history of stories, first of all this alledged creature transforms me into what can be described as a "dickhead" in a literal sense which means someone with a penis for a head. What can I honestly say is that this particular transformation scene is THE most disturbing one in the history of TFs, it's so disturbing it makes David Cronenberg's remake of The Fly look like a family film by comparision. Not to mention....a dickhead? That's the best thing he can turn me into this steaming pile of shit he calls a story? That is not only disgusting, it is always possibly the worse visual pun EVER. I mean if he was going to transform me INTO something, he should have turned me into something that i would have liked to be turned like a gargoyle. I would have prefered to be turned into a Plutarkian.





"The shadow then, revealed himself. He was a chimera of all of the people on Metokur.org that he had trolled and spewed hatred towards, who decided to form into a superior justice troll that would be able to curse Nathan into exactly what he is: a DICKHEAD. And with that, the Metokur chimera disappeared into the night, and Nathan was left forever to be an even bigger dick than he already was."



So now we finally see what the monster looks like and apparently it's some bizzaro combination of almost everyone on Metokur.org, the author says it's his trademark creation the Metokur chimera. I have to say that it is THE absolutely worst monster i've ever seen or read about in a story. So i'm guessing it's got monstrous versions of Habermann, Anon, Anonymous, Rents, Tonya, Mishi and all those other guys merged into one. I shudder to think what this creature would look like in a movie. I personally think that this particular creature was the most disturbing part of the story. The mere notion of seeing this creature in any story or movie is too disturbing to even imagine. In fact, it's flat out High Octane Nightmare Fuel. I mean really, this creature would scar people for life.



"And as the Metokur chimera disappeared into the night, it proclaimed, "I am not a bovine, I am a capra, damn you! Have a nice life, werejohncandy!"





And finally we get to the end, phew - this whole nightmare of a story is over. Thank goodness, it kept getting worse and worse by the minute. And I can honestly say that this story was by far the worst that Eyesglowyellow has ever written. I mean this story he did was so horrible it made me want to throw up because of how nauseating and disgusting it was. It was poorly written and it was nothing but High Octane Nightmare Fuel with heavy levels of Squick thrown in. I did not like this story one bit. I hated every minute of it - but the parts I hated most where the rather disturbing transformation scene and most of the scenes involving this Metokur Chimera creation belonging to the author of this story - I also hated that he made me the antagonist in this story even though i had done nothing to him at all.



In overall, I give this story zero stars, and two thumbs down for it's poorly written plot and overuse of sick humour and the really bad visual pun as well as the poorly concieved monster and extremely disturbing transformation scene.



Do yourselves a favour and do NOT read that story, you will have nightmares afterwards.   Again I did not write that disturbing nightmare fuelerrifc excuse for a story but Eyesglowyellow did so you can be mad about him for ever coming up with it.