It's a glorious day today and do you know why? Because that creepy little brat Tazmin Burville has been grounded for a week. She was finally caught in the act. For years she's been trying to make our lives miserable. I always knew there was something seriously wrong with her. I mean she's not like normal girls. Of course we don't have to worry about her now that she's been grounded.
I feel like a load has been lifted.
Congratulations! I was waiting for that to happen. And the next logical step would most likely be jail.
ReplyDeleteThanks. Although she'd be most likely to escape in the most crafty way possible. Given that she's been suspected to be a werecat and all.
ReplyDeleteI would chain her arms and legs at the shoulders, wrists, elbows, hips, knees and ankles to a Teflon-coated stainless-steel wall, along with having her neck attached loosely enough to where she could still breathe. She would ideally not be able to sit, lie down or stand, completely naked, or would be spread-eagled on the wall with nothing on but Hannah Montana footed pajamas. Also, the door would be welded shut until her sentence ended. There's a jail like that, it's called "Alan & Andria Kilgore's Penitentiary For Terrorists, Environmentalists, Child Molesters, Door-To-Door Salesmen and Anyone Else We Want To Lock Up". It's located in Harvey, Illinois, inside the Dixie Square Mall of Blues Brothers fame. (just kidding! No such facility exists, and neither Alan nor I would go into Dixie Square unless we were paid a billion dollars each with free rabies, tetanus and AIDS shots.
ReplyDeleteNah, I think she would actually enjoy that. She's got a twisted sense of humour.
ReplyDeleteOK, how about being dragged down a rough gravel road at the end of a long bungee cord behind my Chevy van while I am rockin' out to GG Allin's most offensive and profane songs and am traveling at well over the speed limit? Or being dangled over an erupting volcano from a helicopter?
ReplyDeleteShe would find that to be the coolest thing ever.
ReplyDeleteThen I'm stumped, Doc.
ReplyDeleteI could always try one of my latest inventions, the Animaliser ray. I could use it to turn her into the animal she really hates- and that's a rat- because she really hates those little guys.
ReplyDeleteThat'll work. I'm sure, and that's a Scout's honor, despite the fact that I threw rotten tomatoes at Girl Scouts cookie peddlers as a kid.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, it will deffenately work. i've already tested it out.
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