Gastonian Lessons

We present to you, lessons on how to be a Gastonian courtesy of our friends at bittersweet and strange.

• #1: Never say something bad about Gaston when he’s in the room.
• #1a: If you do say something bad about him, make sure none of his fans are around (they are such telltales!).
• #2: When speaking to Gaston, use words of two syllables or less.
• #3: Praise Gaston every other sentence.
• #4: Do not talk about yourself at all when you are speaking to him.
• #5: Show much interest in his hunting stories.
• #6: Do whatever he tells you to do, without asking.
• #7: If you are a woman, drool incessantly over him in his presence:
• #8: If you are a woman, don’t read, but massage his feet.
• #9: Don’t confuse him.
• #10: Never mention you are better in something than Gaston (not even reading).
• #11: Ask him to lift something heavy, flex his muscles or even if you can feel his muscles.
• 12. If you HAVE to turn down his proposal, figure out a way to do it that does not publicly humiliate him.
• 13. If you do follow Gaston around, make sure you have a mirror handy so that he can always keep himself as the perfect paragon he is.
• 14. Ask him how he keeps himself so devastingly handsome and what his daily regimen is to stay in such a flawless and gorgeous but very manly shape.
• 15. Be prepared to listen attentively to him as he rambles on and on incessantly about himself.
• 16. Should you get bored as he's talking about himself, never let him see that.
• 17. Never make Gaston angry. If you do, duck or get out of the way quickly !
• 18. Never disagree with him on anything.
• 19. If you are his rival for a girl's affections, DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM!
• 20. If your birthday is close, keep in mind the one present he might remember to give you is a portrait_ of himself.
• 21. Like Death, Gaston should never be challenged to a game of chess. It might be dangerous for your health.
• 22. Help keep up Gaston's self esteem by telling him how gorgeous he looks... and stand him next to Lefou to accentuate this point!
• 23. Whenever he's down in the dumps, cheer him up with a rousing rendition of the Gaston song.
• 24. Never ever challenge him to a wrestling match, you will be sorry if you do.25. Never ever refer to him as vain, arrogant, or boastful. And never ever sing the song You're So Vain when in his presence (don't even think about it, and don't even consider humming it).
• 26. If you get the chance, ask him for an autograph.
• 27. Never ever say no to him.
• 28. Praise him at all times.
• 29. Never say there's anyone better than him.
• 30. Look up to him at all times and idolise him.
• 31. If you are the one person who can tolerate him for more than 10 seconds, you should hold on to him like grim death (which is not too far off btw)