Night Of The Living Toys

We've got some horror stories about encounters with toys that may have gone bad

• In 1989, some neighbourhood kid got a set of Fireman Sam dolls for xmas. Now believe it or not I was absolutely terrified of Fireman Sam when I was a kid- sure he was a friendly fire fighter but I swore that he was actually an arsonist or serial killer (same goes for Postman Pat and Bob the Builder too). Anyway some neighbourhood kid got a set of dolls of the main characters as a xmas present from his/her mother. I freaked out when I first saw them- there was something creepy about that one doll of Sam- the way it kept looking at me with that blank look in it's eyes. It was like something that crawled out of the uncanny valley. It was one of the scariest things I had ever seen. I couldn't bear to look at it- it was so frighteningly. In my eyes Fireman Sam was an utter creep, he and his eeeevil show made me afraid of fire for life (Curse you Fireman Sam, Curse You!) . It was only made worse when a guy dressed in a Fireman Sam mascot costume showed up at the school my brother and I went to when we were 12- the real life version of Sam was even creepier than the one on tv. I mean, it was THE most disturbing thing ever, he was behaving in a strange, creepy way. I'm not making this up. So, when our friend came over once for Thanksgiving we threw his cousin's Fireman Sam doll set over the fench and into our neighbour's yard (we also burned the various Fireman Sam merchandise my friend's little cousin had)- where some of them were ripped to shreds by the neighbour's dog Monstro. The week later, my best friend's mother found the dismembered Fireman Sam doll in the trash, it had an eye missing, an arm that looked like it was falling off and a chewed up hat. That's the last we ever saw of those creepy dolls.
  
  
  
• I went to a cousin's house one day and my cousin had this doll of The Grinch. It looked like the one from the cartoon and it had that smile on it's face. And everytime I walked past it I swore that it was watching me. That doll creeped the hell out of me. I told my mom about it and she asked my cousin's mom if they could hide the Grinch doll someplace where it wouldn't bother me so she put it in the basement. A couple of hours later I turn around and I see the doll right in the place it was before she put it in the basement which was really spooky. They finally got rid of that doll in the end, they sold it on Ebay. I would have liked it more if it was the Jim Carrey version of the grinch instead of the cartoon one.
  
  
  
• My brother had a similar experience with a Barney the Dinosaur plush doll once, I can't remember it all but my brother will be more than happy to tell you what happened. The person who owned it decided to get rid of it by giving it away to some less fortunate sap. Good thing too because that thing creeped me out to the max, it kept singing "I love youuu, you looove me, we're a happy family" over and over again- and at random too, it was just so creepy.
  
  
• In late summer 1999 we got ourselves a Furbie, he was a black one- we called him Drake. The good things about him was that he was a cute as the dickens, the bad thing about him was that he kept driving us batty all day and night with the noises he kept making- he kept demanding attention twenty four seven. We got so fed up with him that we decided to put him in the garage. Now here comes the really scary part, a couple of weeks later when we went to the garage to get some tools and all of a sudden we heard this really scary sounding noise- it was kind of a growling sound and it was coming behind from one of the boxes and it went kind of like this.."Ooo wwaaa, urrrr". My brother then turned around and saw that Furby...now you've heard the stories of Furbies acting balisitic but our one Drake was absolutely animalistic and not too mention bat f***k insane, almost like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. It was a nightmare come true. So we tried numerous attempts to destroy it even taking out it's batteries but the thing just wouldn't die. Eventually we decide to send him to our arch nemesis Stefanie as revenge for the many times she turned some of our friends against us. We are currently on the search for the Gizmo Furby.
  
  Our first toy inventions were a singing koala named Matilda, a sheep named Charlene and a black cat named Cleopatra. When you pressed Matilda's paws the tune of Waltzin Matilda would play, when you gave Bobby a squeeze he had let out a soft bleating sound and when you squeezed the cat she would let out a cute meowing sound. Those three were invented in 1991 and they worked just fine. We played with them for 5 years then forgot about them. Then in 2001 we decided to get them out again to see if they still worked, but when we did...the tune that came out of Matilda wasn't cheerie like it was in 1991, it sounded warped and kind of like a ironic nursery ryme like the ones who hear it films like Poultergeist, the sheep sounded like someone getting hacked to death, and the cat's meow was now deepened and quite demonic, almost like the growl of the wolf from American Werewolf In London. We didn't get rid of them though- we kept them despite their malfunctions.
  

Mel's Ex Boyfriend list

This is Mel the koala. She is one half of the duo known as Mel and Eucalpytus. Ironically the original ty beanie of this koala is a male and is named after Mel Gibson. She likes romance. She watches a lot of chick flicks. Unfortunately for her it's nothing like it is in the movies. Mel's had 15 boyfriends so far and ended up breaking up with each and every one of them.

Here's the list of all her ex-boyfriends. Each comes with an explaination that tells us why she dumped them.

1. Stinger the Scorpion. Reason she dumped him: He came across as too overprotective.


2. Rainbow the Chamelon. Reason she dumped him: She thought he was too geeky.


3. Howl the Werewolf. Reason she dumped him: Came across as a jerk.


4. Ratty the zodiac rat. Reason she dumped him: He had too many problems.


5. Simon the zodiac snake. Reason she dumped him: He insulted her fashional sense.


6. Creepers the skeleton. Reason she dumped him: She thought he was too dead-like.


7. Count the vampire bear. Reason she dumped him: He was a pain in the neck (literally).


8. Rocket the blue jay. Reason she dumped him: He was always late.


9. Ringo the racoon. Reason she dumped him: He kept using her.


10. Gizmo the lemur. Reason she dumped him: Came across as too obssessive.


11. Slayer the thrill necked lizard. Reason she dumped him: Came across as too annoying.


12. Roary the lion. Reason she dumped him: He wasn't her type.


13. Garfield the cat. Reason she dumped him: He was too lazy to pay the bill when they had dinner dates.


14. Cupid the dog. Reason she dumped him: He never bothered to shower before their date.


15. Zip the cat. Reason she dumped him: He called her fat even though she isn't.

Living Doll

Ever seen the Child's Play movies? Well me and my brother have had more than a few experiences with toys that were just like that. We're going to tell you what they were:

• In 1989, my friend's little cousin got a set of Fireman Sam dolls for xmas. Now believe it or not I was absolutely terrified of Fireman Sam when I was a kid- sure he was a friendly fire fighter but I swore that he was actually an arsonist or serial killer (same goes for Postman Pat and Bob the Builder too). Anyway my best friend's little cousin Tazmin got a set of dolls of the main characters as a xmas present from her mother. I freaked out when I first saw them- there was something creepy about that one doll of Sam- the way it kept looking at me with that blank look in it's eyes. It was like something that crawled out of the uncanny valley. It was one of the scariest things I had ever seen. I couldn't bear to look at it- it was so frighteningly. In my eyes Fireman Sam was an utter creep, he and his eeeevil show made me afraid of fire for life (Curse you Fireman Sam, Curse You!) . It was only made worse when a guy dressed in a Fireman Sam mascot costume showed up at the school my brother and I went to when we were 12- the real life version of Sam was even creepier than the one on tv. I mean, it was THE most disturbing thing ever, he was behaving in a strange, creepy way. I'm not making this up. So, when our friend came over once for Thanksgiving we threw his cousin's Fireman Sam doll set over the fench and into our neighbour's yard (we also burned the various Fireman Sam merchandise my friend's little cousin had)- where some of them were ripped to shreds by the neighbour's dog Monstro. The week later, my best friend's mother found the dismembered Fireman Sam doll in the trash, it had an eye missing, an arm that looked like it was falling off and a chewed up hat. That's the last we ever saw of those creepy dolls.
  
• I went to a cousin's house one day and my cousin had this doll of The Grinch. It looked like the one from the cartoon and it had that smile on it's face. And everytime I walked past it I swore that it was watching me. That doll creeped the hell out of me. I told my mom about it and she asked my cousin's mom if they could hide the Grinch doll someplace where it wouldn't bother me so she put it in the basement. A couple of hours later I turn around and I see the doll right in the place it was before she put it in the basement which was really spooky. They finally got rid of that doll in the end, they sold it on Ebay. I would have liked it more if it was the Jim Carrey version of the grinch instead of the cartoon one.
  
• My brother had a similar experience with a Barney the Dinosaur plush doll once, I can't remember it all but my brother will be more than happy to tell you what happened. The person who owned it decided to get rid of it by giving it away to some less fortunate sap. Good thing too because that thing creeped me out to the max, it kept singing "I love youuu, you looove me, we're a happy family" over and over again- and at random too, it was just so creepy.
  
• Our first toy inventions were a singing koala named Matilda, a sheep named Charlene and a black cat named Cleopatra. When you pressed Matilda's paws the tune of Waltzin Matilda would play, when you gave Bobby a squeeze he had let out a soft bleating sound and when you squeezed the cat she would let out a cute meowing sound. Those three were invented in 1991 and they worked just fine. We played with them for 5 years then forgot about them. Then in 2001 we decided to get them out again to see if they still worked, but when we did...the tune that came out of Matilda wasn't cheerie like it was in 1991, it sounded warped and kind of like a ironic nursery ryme like the ones who hear it films like Poultergeist, the sheep sounded like someone getting hacked to death, and the cat's meow was now deepened and quite demonic, almost like the growl of the wolf from American Werewolf In London. We didn't get rid of them though- we kept them despite their malfunctions.

We made copies of Matilda, Bobby and Cleo. You might be able to find them in second hand stores, they're quite valuable. Not only are they cute but they're good for scaring away intruders with- plus Cleo has light up eyes.

New Millitary Koalas stuff

Good news fans! We've got some great new Millitary Koalas stuff. First off, we would like to thank all the fans who entered the Design A Fortress contest. There were so many good ones it was hard to decide which one we liked best. The one we really liked the most was done by Master Of Oz's highly intelligent brother Kevin who is a nuclear phsyicist. Also, a new issue of the Millitary Koalas Database magazine out this month, in this issue you'll find out all about the gadgets and weapons Clark creates for the team, you'll also learn secrets about the team (e.g Madonna's favourite alcholic beverages, Blondie's list of boys she has a crush on, and Elvis's favourite foods), there's also a new action packed comic where the team travels to the old west and meets their wild west counterparts the Cowpoke Koalas. There's also an episode guide, contests, and more. Plus, there's an exclusive scoop on an action packed new episode guest starring Evil Dead star Bruce Campbell. There's a free pack of trading cards with every issue. And fi you're lucky enough to find the extra, impossibly rare shiny golden Madonna card you may be in for the chance to win a Mega Console game system with a great assortment of games including the Millitary Koalas games.

Millitary Koalas: Merchandise news

There are more than one set of Millitary Koalas action figures, there's the regular set, then there's Battle Action, then there's Down Under Thunder, then there's the Stealth Mission set and finally the This Is Sparta set. There's an exclusive set released just for the movie.





There's also a new booster set of trading cards called Ultimate Battle. This special set of Millitary Koalas trading cards are holographic and have each of the characer's battle stats on them as well as a picture of that koala in their battle armour.





Also available is a special set of cards from the Millitary Koalas movie. These ones glow-in-the dark and have information about each one of the koalas on them.

The Millitary Koalas movie soundtrack is also now available in stores. And this is what the tracklist is:

1. Millitary Koalas theme - Metallica.


2. Don't Stop Believing- Journey.


3. It's A Warzone - Daddy and the Dorks (my dad's old band).


4. Everybody Wants To Rule The World- Tears For Fears.


5. Bat Out Of Hell- Meat Loaf.


6. Bodies- Drowning Pool.


7. Iron Man- Black Sabbath.


8. Mortal Kombat theme.


9. Rock Me Amadeus- Falco.
10. Duty Calls- Satan's Knights (that's a band me and my brother are members of).
11. Destroy Him- Daddy and the Dorks
12. School's Out- Alice Cooper.
13. Number Of The Beast- Iron Maiden.

And

14. I'm A Living Nightmare- Tim Curry (bonus song)

We also have a new Millitary Koalas game out, it's a fighting game called All For One, One For All and it's for a game console called the Mega Console. The Mega Console is our most successful sucessful invention it's the ultimate gaming system, it can play all formats of video games even pc cd rooms and nintendo cartridges. It looks like a cross between a PS3 and an Xbox. We've got quite a lot of good games for it. This Millitary Koalas game has incredibly realistic graphics and fully destructible 3d enviroments, also included is an extenstive character selection of characters from the tv series and from the movie- Morlock the dropbear is an unlockable character. Andria's character is already selectable. Each koala has their own special moves (e.g Sidney has his Gump Smash slam, Cher has her magic spell move) and Andria's character has two rather hillarious moves one is where she throws exploding beer kegs, and the other is where she uses her sonic belch.

Eucalyptus

This is the koala we model the Millitary Koalas on. She is a ty beanie buddy and her name is Eucalpytus. The character of the Blondie koala is essentially based on her. You see, she is absolutely boy crazy and a bit of a ditz just like the Blondie koala from the show.



This is her in her classic pose.

Sidney The Koala

This is Sidney the koala. He is the world's stupidest marsupial. He's also one of the Millitary Koalas. His favourite foods include pie, pickles, and to some extent apples. His famous sayings are "Hello, me Sidney" "Button press!" - said whenever he sees a button of some kind on the computer, "What's thaaaat?" - asked whenever he sees something, and "Yay, pickles!". Unfortunately he often mistakes poo-poo for chocolate and eats it. His favourite tv show is Laundry Stories which is a soap opera set in a washing machine, he never missess an episode of it. I've seen a few episodes of it and am really starting to dislike those malicious deviants the sock twins. The sock twins are always trying to find ways to steal the fancy coat family fortune. Sidney's favourite character on that show is the red bandana whose name is Vinnie, I quite like the character of Dr Fedora (he's a suave, sophisticated blues brothers style fedora and lincenced surgeon) . Then there's Madam Hankerchief- she's like an angel, she's a very sweet, caring sensitive hankerchief who is good with money, before her there was Miss Tissue but unfortnately she died of complications during surgery. Recently a new character has been added to the cast, a pair of pajamas named P.J, PJ's the comic relief character in the show. He is often tricked into doing nasty deeds by the sock twins. Oh, and Miss bathing suit has been caught cheating on her boyfriend yet again. The haiwain shirt duo are total party animals. Sidney loves Laundry Stories. I myself prefer Kitchen Kaboodle because it's a comedy, that show is hillarious. The fridge character has an eating problem, hopefully he'll get over it, last season he weighed over a ton and this season he's a lot lighter, this is always happening to him.

Killer Koalas From Another World

On April 5th 1992 we made a little horror comedy called Killer Koalas From Another World. It was filmed in Australia and was inspired by the dropbear myths. We shot it in the same location that was used for Howling III: The Marsupials (that was also filmed in Australia). We love all of the Howling movies. In our movie, a strange new shipment of koalas arrive in the outback-these koalas appear to look innocent and cute but are really vicious and bloodthirsty-these are called Dropbears. These monstrous marsupials are soon responsible for the disappearance of numerous tourists. The one tourist that didn't encounter one of the dropbears teams up with the local police department to track the dropbears down. We created some realistic animatronic dropbears for the movie- and they can be seen in our museum which has various props from our productions in it. The movie is very hard to find on vhs or dvd, it is a very rare and unique movie. It was entered in the local film contest, it won Best Short, Best Horror Film, Best Soundtrack, Best Score, and Best Special Effects. We've dabbled in the art of horror comedies before and are going to back to it in our upcoming horror comedy A Gastonian in Disneyworld, a homage to American Werewolf In London, my character is an actor who gets cast as Gaston in the production of BATB but ends up taking the role a little too seriously and turns into him. It's the first one to feature a transformation of me into a cartoon character.

Horror comedies we've done:

• Killer Koalas From Another World.


• Zombie Mutt.


• Teddy Scares.


• Mittens: The Cat From Hell.


• Easter, Bloody Easter.


• ManBelushi (a werebelushi one).


• National Lampoon's Curse Of The Werebelushi.


• Evil Jay series.


• Creepy Critters


• I Know What You Did Last Week.

Horror comedies we are working on:

• An American Gastonian In Disneyland.


• The Gators In The Sewers.


• Madness At The Museum.

We want to introduce you to someone very special. You know Audrey II from Little Shop Of Horrors? Well this is it's younger sibling Clarabelle. We made her to go with the Audrey II plush. Don't worry, she doesn't bite.

The Dropbear: Real Or Fake?

Welcome to Myths From The Other Side. The segment where we examin the stories behind adifferent mythicals animal from across the globe. Today we are going down under to uncover the truth about the deadly dropbear. In Aussie folklore a dropbear is supposed to be a large, carnivorous almost vampric koala that "drops down" from the trees onto the heads of any victim that comes it's way. This is used as a tall tale that Australians used to scare, confuse or amuse tourists. We are quite facinated by this.

This is Killoala, one of the characters from our Creepy Critters range of Gremlins style plush animals. Killoala is a blue dropbear with a black stripes, a star on his forehead and a blood red marking on his stomach. In his "mutant" form he has fangs, devil horns, claws and black bat-like wings. Killoala has inspired by the Dropbear legend and the plush Werebears that the Hornby toy company made in the early 80's (the werebears were plush teddies that were reversible- you could turn their heads and paws inside out to "transform" them from cute to scary). The Creepy Critters range of plush toys were inspired by the 1980's horror comedy Gremlins.

This is Morlock the dropbear, one of the villains from our popular cartoon series Millitary Koalas. His voice is done by Tim Curry (who is known for his delightfully creepy, villainous but yet seductive voice). Morlock first appeared in the episode Rock N Load- which was a special musical episode done in the style of a rock opera. In it, Morlock (who was banished and sent to live down in the down Under Underworld by the Bunyip King) uses his special brand of dark magic to bring everyone's worst fears to life and turn the city into a city of nightmares. Morlock was "defeated" and was sent back to the down Underworld by the heroes. However he makes a return in Millitary Koalas: The Movie, and this time he's got something much bigger planned. Morlock's mustache and goatee is a nod to how some evil twins in tv and movies have a goatee like Spock's evil twin from that one episode of Star Trek and Buzz Lightyear's evil clone from an episode of Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command.

In April 5th, 1992 we produced a short horror flick called Killer Koalas From Another World. It was filmed in Australia and was inspired by the dropbear myths. We created animatronic dropbears especially for the movie. We entered the film in the local film festival, it won the following awards: Best Soundtrack, Best Score, Best FX, Best Short Film, and Best Horror Film. The animatronic dropbears used for the movie can be viewed in our museum of props from our films. The movie is very good and is also available on dvd- however it is quite hard to obtain.

The dropbear is indeed an interesting creature. The story behind it is also interesting. The dropbear:

If you wish to find out about more about the Dropbear- see this link:

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/animals/comments/19/

Need info on the Werebear toys? Click this link:

http://www.redhotscott.co.uk/werebear/

Millitary Koalas The Movie: Bad Guy info.

A while back we asked fans of our show Military Koalas which bad guy they would love to see in a full length movie of the show. We asked them to vote for the bad guy of their choice, the bad guy choices were: Dingo Dan, Manogator (the half man half aligator), Draco the Lizard Man, or Morlock the Dropbear. And the bad guy who got the most votes was....Morlock the dropbear.

This is Morlock. He is a dropbear. Dropbears are basically vampire-like koalas that the Australians use as tall tales to scare tourists. Morlock the dropbear's voice is done by the great Tim Curry (who played Darkness in Legend). Morlock first appeared in the special rock opera episode of the show. Our good friend Tyrone The Terrible is a Tim Curry fan and a specialist in the art of writing villain songs (he wrote the Vizini villain song Inconcievable and many more villain songs including his own villain song, last August he and I worked on a villain song duet), he wrote the lyrics to Morlock's villain song from the rock opera special. In a musical, the villain song is a special song that is sung by the villain- sometimes it's about themselves and sometimes it's about their evil plan. . We dug deep into the dank, dark and spooky depts of the Nightmare Fuel and High Octane Nightmare Fuel pages to get inspirations for the dark dimension Morlock lives in known as the Down Under Underworld. Millitary Koalas: The Movie will be released in cinemas this weekend.

For examples of villain songs, head over to the tv tropes villain song page via this link: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/VillainSong

We also advice that you must NOT under any circumstances, visit the Nightmare Fuel and High Octane Nightmare Fuel pages before bed- it will give you non-stop nightmares.

Also be warned: TV Tropes will ruin your life. (I'm just kiding, that site is awesome).

Move Over Barbie, Here come the Koala Sisters.

We are proud to present to you our answer to the Spice Girls. We call them The Koala Sisters. 5 cute koalas with a lot in common: They're girls, they've got style, and they can dance and sing.

Introducing...The Koala Sisters!

Mel (the cute one)

Mel is the cute one, and she loves boys. Her interests include poetry, fashion, and boys. Her child-like innocence is what makes her so irriestible. She takes ballet lessons once a week. She's very delicate and likes boys for their good looks and charm.

Eucalpytus (the smart one)

Eucalpytus is a non-stop fountain of knowledge. She is the smart one afterall. Her interests include poetry, science, the arts and technology. She does yoga on a regular basis and is very into science. She likes boys just like Mel does except she likes boys who have the same hobbies as she does. She's the resident genius.

Beaut (the sexy one)

Beaut is the marsupial equivilent of Marliyn Monroe. She's sexy, classy, and not afraid to speak her mind. She studies martial arts, and can do a pretty damm good recreation of the water scene from Flashdance. She can also recreate the bed of roses scene from American Beauty.

Koowee (the fashionable one)

Koowee is a total fashion diva. She's into everything fashion related. She's always seen wearing the most fashionable clothes, and is always up on the latest trends. Koowee also has the best voice. She's a firm believer in the zen philiosohy and is the most likable member.





Matilda (the funny one)

Matilda is a screaming riot. She's the funniest marsupial you'll ever meet. She's always making jokes, wisecracks and humorous observation. If you're looking for laughs, then Matilda's the one to turn to.




They'll be coming to a concert arena near you soon.

But while you wait....relax and enjoy the hillarious antics of our resident idiot Sidney- the world's dumbest marsupial.

Millitary Koalas collectables

We are proud to present to you, the newest line of Millitary Koalas action figures-Atomic Fury.

Sparky- comes with bazooka, Sparky Jr and attachable battle armour. Has atomic blasting action.

Nigel - comes with archery crossbow ancient tome, and wearing a Robin Hood costume. Has arrow shooting action.

Cher - comes with tiara, magical scepter, and magical princess costume. Has wand waving action.


Blondie- same as Cher, but with different weapons. Has gun totting action.

Falco- comes with hi tech battlesuit, battle lance and attachable robot arm. Has missile blasting action.

Elvis - comes with box of donuts, millitary gear and guitar. Has super karate kick action.

Amadeus - comes with scientific equipment, hi tech suit and laser sword. Has sword weilding action.


Beethoven - same as Amadeus.



Dio- Comes with ninja gear, light up magic sword, and mystical lute. Has rocket launcher action.


Clark- Comes with superhero gear and glassess also comes with alternate costume (Superman) and has flight action.

Sidney- comes with barbarian armour, spiked gloves and training dummy. Has such punch action.


Elton- comes with magic staff, wizard's cape and a top hat. Has disc spinning action.