Wednesday 16 June 2010

New tales from the web

In this latest tale,  a group of annoying trolls on Metokur.org who drive our hero insane with terrible impersonations of him and various comedians claiming that his characters suck get what's coming to them.

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There were a group of trolls on Metokur.org known as The Imposters, they drove Nathan insane with their terrible impersonations of him and various comedians - claiming that his work sucked which of course it didn't.




One evening they were about to post another series of insulting comments, but what they didn't know is that something - or SOMEONE was watching them the whole time where they were doing it. The Bruce Campbell statue that had mysteriously appeared on their front lawn earlier that day was starting to crack apart as the sun came down.



"What the hell?" One of the members of The Imposters exclaimed.



"The statue...it's breaking apart." Another member spluttered.



"Look! Someone is coming out of the statue." One of the other members responded.



Indeed, someone was coming out of the statue, and not just anyone - it was a rather handsome man who looked a lot like Ash from the Evil Dead films and had a chainsaw in the place of his left arm and a 12 gauge remmington shotgun strapped to his back.



"Alright you primitive screwheads listen up." The man exclaimed in his very Bruce Campbell-like manner.



"Who the hell are you?" One member of the Imposters group retorted.



"I am Bruce - the super awesome demigod - and this is my BOOMSTICK!" The man responded, pointing his gun at that particular member of that group.



"Yeah right, if you're a demi-god then i'm a dancing chicken." One of the other members retorted.



"That can be arranged." Bruce quipped.



And with that Bruce clicked his fingers and in a snap - that particular group member was transformed into a dancing chicken.



"Hey what the?" He exclaimed.



"Alright, who's next?" Bruce exclaimed.



The rest of the group members stood there quivering in fear.



"That's what I thought. I'm here to teach you a lot a lesson." Bruce told them.



"But we haven't done anything wrong." One member of the group butted in.



"Well it says here that you've been pissing my friend Nathan off by doing bad impersonations of him and various different comedians and saying that his work sucks." Bruce responded.



"But his characters all suck." One member retorted.



"No they don't. And you fail to see that - because like most MetoTARDS - you have no regard for the feelings and wellbeing of others - all you do is try to put them down with your insulting comments." Bruce responded, smirking.



"So what?" Another member of the group retorted.



"So...people like you have no real lives or jobs, and have no brain and hearts of stone." Bruce responded. "Which is why I know what the perfect punishment for you lot is going to be."



And with that Bruce smirked, then raised his right hand and pointed at all the members of the group while giving them a stern, imtimidating Clint Eastwood style glare - his eyes becoming like flames.



"For your misdeeds, your punishment shall be that you all get turned into statues." He informed them.



He then got out his demigod spellbook and looked through it to find the right spell, when he found the spell apprioately titled Medusa's Evil Eye Stare, he gave every member of the group that same imtimidating Clint Eastwood glare - but this time his eyes turned red and a beam of magical demigod came out from them.



Very slowly one by one, the group members found themselves turning all grey as their skin became all hard and stone-like, they tried to move but every single part of their body became stone-like.



"We're sorry, please stop." One member begged.



"I'm sorry, but you deserve this for the way you've been acting." Bruce responded.



The group members all tried crying out, but their cries were in vain as the last part of them to turn to stone were their faces. When the spell was finished, they all stood there - now they were stone statues standing there as still as can be.



"Perfect!" Bruce said, smiling. "You know what...I think there may be a use for you lot after all....you'd all look very nice on Nathan's lawn."



And with that Bruce closed his eyes, concentrated really hard and a pair of angel-like wings grew out of his back as he flew off home back to Nathan's place - he also teleported the now statuefied members of The Imposters over to Nathan's backyard.



As for The Imposters group, they spent the rest of eternity as statues on Nathan's backyard lawn - where they proved to be more useful than they ever did before.



Remember it is not wise to piss Nathan off, or Bruce will have something to say about it.
 

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